The short explanation
Finding out that your daughter is hurting herself is frightening, and feeling shocked or angry is a natural first reaction. Try to wait until you are calmer before talking. Self-harm is usually a way of coping with overwhelming feelings, and anger or punishment can make her hide it more. When you talk, say what you saw, that you love her, and that you want to understand what is making things so hard. Listen without rushing to fix it. Encourage her to see a doctor or counsellor, offer to help find one, and respect that as an adult she may want to go alone.
What depends on your situation
The parts of this that change from woman to woman. Uncertainty is stated, not hidden.
- Ask gently whether she has had thoughts of ending her life. Asking does not plant the idea and can help you know how urgent things are.
- Make sure she knows how to care for wounds and when a cut needs medical attention.
- Supporting a child who self-harms is stressful. You can call a helpline or see a counsellor yourself for guidance.
What this answer cannot determine
The boundary of online education. These need a clinician who can see you.
- This answer cannot tell why your daughter is self-harming or how much risk she is at. A doctor or counsellor who talks with her can assess that.
Questions for your clinician
Take these with you. You can add any of them to an appointment card.
- How can I support her without making her feel watched?
- What should I do if I find new injuries?
- Can I speak to her counsellor, and what will be kept private?
- Where can I get support as a parent?
When to seek help
Clinician-approved guidance for this topic. When in doubt, being seen is never the wrong choice.
Emergency — call 112 now
- Call 112 or go to the nearest emergency department if a wound is deep or will not stop bleeding, she has swallowed tablets or a chemical, or she talks about ending her life.
Get help the same day
- Help her get medical care the same day if a wound looks infected or she seems very distressed.
Book an appointment soon
- Encourage her to see a doctor or college counsellor within a few days, and call Tele-MANAS on 14416 for guidance as a parent.
Sources
The evidence this explanation is built on.
- Suicide MedlinePlus (NIH)
- Mental health MedlinePlus (NIH)
- Depression in adults NHS
Who wrote and reviewed this
Every AskHer answer names its author. A clinically reviewed answer also names the clinician who signed it off — if no clinician is named below, it has not been clinically reviewed.
- Author
- AskHer Editorial (AI-assisted draft) AskHer's editorial team — not an individual clinician Works in English, தமிழ், हिन्दी
- Clinical reviewer
- Nobody yet No clinician has signed this answer off, and no person on the editorial team has read it yet. That is what the “Written with AI assistance” label means. It is queued for an editor to read, and then for a clinician who works in this area. The sources it was drafted against are listed above.
- Review status
- Written with AI assistance — not yet reviewed by a person
- Last reviewed
- Not yet reviewed by a person
- Version
- 1
Correction history
Substantive changes are listed, not quietly edited away.
No corrections have been made since this answer was first published.
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