The short explanation
Losing your mother without being able to be with her at the end is one of the hardest kinds of loss, and many people who lost family during COVID carry the same guilt. Two years on, still crying when you think of her is not unusual. Grief after a sudden or traumatic loss, where goodbyes were not possible, often takes longer to soften. Guilt is a very common part of grief, even when the situation was out of your control. Talking about it with someone who will listen, such as a friend, a grief counsellor or a doctor, can help it ease. If the guilt and sadness are still taking over daily life, a counsellor can offer specific support for prolonged grief.
What depends on your situation
The parts of this that change from woman to woman. Uncertainty is stated, not hidden.
- Signs that grief may need more help include feeling that life has lost all meaning, being unable to work or care for yourself, avoiding anything that reminds you of her, or thoughts of wanting to join her.
- Some people find rituals, writing a letter to the person, or marking her anniversary with family helps with the goodbye that was missed.
- Low mood that lasts most days, poor sleep and loss of interest may point to depression alongside grief, which is treatable.
What this answer cannot determine
The boundary of online education. These need a clinician who can see you.
- This answer cannot tell whether your grief has become prolonged grief or depression. A counsellor or doctor who talks with you can judge that.
Questions for your clinician
Take these with you. You can add any of them to an appointment card.
- Is what I feel prolonged grief or depression?
- Can you refer me to a grief counsellor?
- How can I deal with the guilt of not being there?
When to seek help
Clinician-approved guidance for this topic. When in doubt, being seen is never the wrong choice.
Emergency — call 112 now
- Call 112 or go to the nearest emergency department if you have thoughts of ending your life, have harmed yourself, or feel you cannot keep yourself safe right now.
Book an appointment soon
- See a doctor or counsellor within a few days if guilt and sadness are stopping you from working or sleeping. You can also call Tele-MANAS on 14416, the free national mental-health helpline, which answers in many Indian languages.
Raise it at a routine appointment
- Book a routine counselling appointment to talk about the loss.
Sources
The evidence this explanation is built on.
- Depression MedlinePlus (NIH)
- Depression in adults NHS
- Mental health MedlinePlus (NIH)
Who wrote and reviewed this
Every AskHer answer names its author. A clinically reviewed answer also names the clinician who signed it off — if no clinician is named below, it has not been clinically reviewed.
- Author
- AskHer Editorial (AI-assisted draft) AskHer's editorial team — not an individual clinician Works in English, தமிழ், हिन्दी
- Clinical reviewer
- Nobody yet No clinician has signed this answer off, and no person on the editorial team has read it yet. That is what the “Written with AI assistance” label means. It is queued for an editor to read, and then for a clinician who works in this area. The sources it was drafted against are listed above.
- Review status
- Written with AI assistance — not yet reviewed by a person
- Last reviewed
- Not yet reviewed by a person
- Version
- 1
Correction history
Substantive changes are listed, not quietly edited away.
No corrections have been made since this answer was first published.
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